Keep reaching..

On the blue summer evenings, I shall go down the paths,
Getting pricked by the corn, crushing the short grass:
In a dream I shall feel its coolness on my feet.
I shall let the wind bathe my bare head.

I shall not speak, I shall think about nothing:
But endless love will mount in my soul;
And I shall travel far, very far, like a gipsy,
Through the countryside - as happy as if I were with a woman.

Arthur Rimbaud
March 1870.

Dear Smingley,

This is my first entry in my online diary and I can't say it's much to smile about. Why am I always the bad guy smingley? Am I to be at my mother's disposal 24 hours a day (despite my age, 18yrs old) so that I can be her only friend and "spend time" with her as she likes to put it. No. I am her daughter and that's it. She gets mad when I don't want to go anywhere with her, which includes the movies and park (where we always go) and it's ridiculous. I'm entitled to do what I want. And If I want to just lay in bed watching the Tudors then that's what I am going to do.

I shouldn't have to fling myself to where she wants me to just because she's lonely. I'm lonely too but that doesn't mean i want to look at her face all day or look at a television screen all day WITH her. No. No.No. I'm my own person Mr. Smingley. And I do as I please. In fact today I cleaned and took out the trash and afterwards I'm supposed to SPEND TIME with her. I see her face everyday in yet I must also bear her company which is nothing easy because her moods are like a roller-coaster that doesn't stop twisting and turning.

And above else I have no privacy. She can come and go whenever she wants; to disturb my sleep, my alone time....anything! I'm not allowed to breathe my own air alone. I'm not some pet you put a leash on and drag places.

"Here I am trying to make you happy and keep you entertained and this is what I get?" -Mom

"HELLO!!!! I never said I was unhappy or bored. Just because you see me watching something on the computer doesn't mean I'm bored or unhappy. It means I am doing something I LIKE, which is the opposite of being bored. Just because I don't want to watch a stupid movie with you doesn't mean you can get pissed off and yell nonsense in spanish. LEAVE ME ALONE."

And then she takes everything the wrong way and says that  she will never ask or talk to me about anything. A complete exaggeration made to make me pity her loneliness or to make me sympathize with her. Well that's to bad because it's spring break and I spend the day how I want to. 

Sorry, Mr. Smingley but I'm tired of having to be my mom's bff. She should find herself some friends she can go drag to the park. ME, I'm content being at home in peace.